opened

2011-11-07T01:22:00.001+08:00

Hello world.

It's a whole new chapter in life. :)
I definitely appreciate what's to come.

2008-01-02T21:26:00.000+08:00

PICTURES COUNTDOWN:

memememe
I didn't know i look freakishly thin like this.
Reflection
amyamy

huh?
Da Queen
ermmmm
CUTE RIGHT. hahahahaha
ayman's deco.
I was singing. Slack. haha.
WHOA fierce seh.
then cry.
me and ayman. ayman looked like a hot, handsome, cute guy.
then she decided to act freaky.
retainers
LOLOLOL. FAT BASTARD.
don't ask me. i dunno what's that. salt?
cute! with moustache.
me and the OMFG handsome guy!
aymann
slacking? LOL.
ID!!! but ugly in this picture. LOL. ayman has the skills to take ugly pictures of others.
REEVE! as ayman said, he can run but he can't hide. HAHA.
ayman
Id and an attachment guy
bliss.
CA3 attachment guys. the shorter one's cute, which is the one with mop.
rah?
ulp.
GAY KIPMUN. HAHAHA.
VINCENT, LITTLE MR ASS.
ah poon. kipmun poon. vincent.
the cutie of the cafe, azfarrrrrrr. he's a guy, but trust me. deep down he isn't. HAHAHA. okay la, shall not be mean.
aiyaaa, in these pictures he doesn't look cute.

:D:D LOL. anw, next year when i'm 18, i want to take bike licence. I want and I will. woohooooo!!!! everyone must learn ah. then the whole cafe become bike gang. HAHAHA. ok, i'm nuts. for some clearer pictures, you can view ayman's blog.

2008-01-01T22:16:00.000+08:00

My new year resolution?
To lose 3 kg and stay that way.
To get you out of my mine, totally.

2007-12-29T23:31:00.000+08:00

Quoted from ayman's blogpost:

Jayn and I ----> The stupidest people on earth just now.
It was funny, we all have our stupid moments.

Well, totally.

2007-12-29T22:17:00.000+08:00

Post 201 will be picture updates!

ayman at Coffee Club
ayman and i on christmas morning
ayman
me
NAD!

I wanted to upload pictures of other beanies too but dowan ah, troublesome. =\ We should have a beanies outing/gathering :D take a photo or so. haha. Anw, adam is missed by us.

talking about missing, i've been avoiding people as though they're my past life. yeah, i'm trying to. So today I've been looking back, and i realized, i've found out a disturbing fact which make me turn my head instantly and fasten my pace forward. Make me wanna totally avoid the previous life. Friends, claimed to be. know what, whatever.

2007-12-27T21:51:00.000+08:00

While ella looks like felicia chin, flora looks like trish and vice versa. azri ~~don't look like~~ cute cute gay azfar. EVERYONE'S LOOKING LIKE EACH OTHER. And izwan look like irwan. HAHAHA. what rubbish.

love love people,
love love people.

2007-12-26T14:43:00.000+08:00

I'M OFF TODAY! WHOOPPEEEEEE for me. haha. My body's about to break. so anw, since i've not been posting pictures, i shall upload pictures today. =)

The evil companion.
AHHH!
MERRY CHRISTMAS
obscenity
Hi people, this is the owner of this blog.

My photography skills. Actually it's not skills, it's just playing around with the macro mode and claiming to be good. haha. AND it's not even MY camera.

Pretty light and a ball of ghost...NOT. it's a flare.
The New Paper.
Water droplets on ayman's arm.
Wood block
Moon and star hanging off a bee hive.
camera cover
muffin with illegal chocolate syrup
sigh, a straw with chocomint frappe in it.
water on the condiment bar
camera strap and my red nails(nomore)

YEP, that's all. :D shall go watch yuhee, the witch and eat dinner and msg that freak. weird is totally not your word, boy. HAHAHAHA. I received my 2 teeshirts that i bought online. Both white, one with silver wings at the back, another is a "I love my boyfriend" tee. HAHA. I'm gonna use that I love my boyfriend tee to stop desperate psychos from ruining my perfect singlehood. CHEERS to singlehood. :D anw, just wanna say another random thing, ella looks like felicia chin. somehow. hahaha. and and, another random shit. I was thinking about guys with their names starting with J. i wanna add 2 more person. Joel Madden and of course, Joshua Tan. LOL. Guys are asses. THE END.

2007-12-25T16:04:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
To my favourite workplace of all time,

to my lovable boss, managers, shift leader,
to my adorable co-beanies,
to my darlings, the twins Izwan and Irwan!! :D
to the subway people. hahahahahahahah.

LOVE ALL OF YOU VERY VERY MUCH! Want me to name all ah? Dowan la, toooo long. I'm tooo shagged from work today. haha. Don't be jealous because I named Izwan and Irwan. They're totally irresistably cute, that's why. haha. I've recently known another anime freak, and he's more freakier than I am. HAHA. Nothing moreeeeeee. Dunno what to blog about. Anw, i'm so sorry if you can't see the words in the picture. Simple drawings with simple words mean alot of love =) haha. Well, azfar's comment was why do the guys wear long skirts and the girls wear short pants. LOL. OHHHH well. nth much anymore. =) THAT'S ALL!

2007-12-23T22:27:00.000+08:00

John worked today =) LOL. Oh well .Worked, with ella and azfar. Asked to punch out early cos I have to come morning tmr. flora told kairen to come cos azfar didn't come, but actually she knew that azfar will come? LOL. smth like this, so kairen came early. Anw, the twins that worked at mcdonalds, they're so cute! hahah. I dunno how old they are though. I thought they were younger but when i asked, they both said they're 1 year older than me?! Then i said they looked younger than me, so they said together, "Cos you look old! HAHAHA!" yep. They're very very nice la. Today's the first day i saw and talked to them, but it's kinda different from when i first met someone. lol. ohhhhh wellllllllll. maybe cos they're super friendly =) Think their names are Irwan and Izwan? I THINK SO LA. that's all! Work tmr, hope john works. HAHAHA. I sound obsessed but okay la, I don't think I'm that obsessed. Just trying to make life more fun and entertaining.

LOL. watched News Asia and can't stop laughing at what Howard said. He said, "Check out the one nipple-man. I've got two and he got one. He is a freak."

2007-12-22T19:15:00.000+08:00

HELLO ID!

John worked today, had the urge to go over after work to get a cookie, but i managed to resist. hahaha. Oh well. Worked with id, ella and sab today. Joelyn worked mainstore. =\ Damn tired la. THE END.

2007-12-21T18:29:00.000+08:00

Alrighty, I'm back home. So damn bloody tired, i just woke up and handled my shopping online. So anw, I'm gonna continue about my topic yesterday. hahaha.

WHY is John/Jon sooooo soooooooooooooooooo handsome? =\ haha. I dunno how his name's spelt, but I know his name is pronounced as john/jon. haha. HE IS SO HANDSOME. He's super tall, very very fair, sharp nose and look totally like a gentleman. Those quiet with a simple life guy. OMFG. He's so suitable to be a prince charming riding on a white horse. haha. Me and ayman agreed on that. Kinda disappointed today cos I didn't get to see him, although it's my day off. I think today's is his day off too??? I'm not too sure. Cos he usually works like morning till the store closes?! LOL. Everytime I punch in, he'll already be working, when I punch out, he still haven't finish working. HAHAHA. Oh well. WHY IS JOHN SO HANDSOME? I think I kinda melt in his presence. haha. Went to the store twice to get cookies. Once, he came out to give me change cos there's not more change in the cash register. Another is when I came to get cookie, he came out from behind the counter. OMGOMGOMGOMG. =( haha.

So yeah, guys whose names start with 'J' are definitely handsome/hot/totally irresistable. haha. For example, John. Another's JO! KCDC! HAHAHAHA. Okok, Joooooooooo's totally hot. Same, analyzed by ayman and i. You people should see his worked out body(not those body builder kind la, you know what i mean) in small tee. haha. Then another example is JOHNNY DEPP. He's hot, and handsome. :D And then there's Jonathan Bennett(a super hot cutie), Jonathan Rhys Meyers and i'm not denying, Justin Timberlake's kinda handsome too! AND AND, Justin Herman. LOL. OMG. Also, dana's boyfriend isn't too bad. He's a looker too, and his name's Jon. LOL. We're not too sure with our concept, but that's the way it is now. lol. BYE! gonna watch the korean show Yuu-heeeeeeeeee.

2007-12-21T01:49:00.000+08:00

Zaman booked out of NS =)
work.
bees.
guys with names having 'J' as an initial.
ayman.
stayover.
food.
Fushigi Yuugi.
Yep. That's about it.
John's so so so handsome, why must he be soooooo handsome?? LOL. Joelyn started noticing John first. haha. Oh well. AND Jo is so so so hot! HAHA. Oh well, again.

2007-12-18T20:17:00.001+08:00

Worked. With shannie and id. Went there to find that shannie going off at 3plus and id also wanna go off early. =\ sab came early. id killed 3 bees! she said she should get some christmas prize or smth for killing bees. haha. rushed off with shan at 4plus going to 5 for some manicurist interview. i feel like getting that job, but i feel like working cafe too. i'm in a fix. =\ oh well. i'm still considering, most prob not doing manicurist. =(( big time. besides i think there's a contract and i reeeeellllyyy wanna go overseas in january which means i can't commit that much. lol. i don't think i can commit, i need slack time and schedule like cafe. HAHA. it's not my fault things at cafe are like this. =\ anw, i called ella down to replace me. felt so bad cos id worked more than 8 hours to wait for ella.

2007-12-17T23:19:00.001+08:00

Worked. With joelyn, ayman, ella and kairen. Quite happy. June missed me, and so did Julia. I think many many people missed me. haha. Tmr work with shannie and Id. That's all. Gonna go mad over Bleach, yet again. I wanna go Japan. Madness and more madness.

I see the fire in her eyes
Fire in her eyes
The way she moves
She got the fire in her eyes
Fire on her waist
Fire in her thighs
I love the scandal
She so dangerous (dangerous)
She's so dangerous (dangerous)
She's so scandalous (scandalous)

2007-12-15T21:29:00.000+08:00

I shall proceed to watch Ayashi no Ceres. Another great anime. =) There's probably only these few animes i'll like. Cheers.

2007-12-15T21:18:00.000+08:00

Fushigi Yuugi never fails to make me cry. Oh well. I love this show too, other than bleach. lol.

Online Videos by Veoh.com

Online Videos by Veoh.com

How touching, forbidden love. How touching it is, to be able to create miracles. That's why it's only an anime. Nothing so pure and touching is ever gonna happen in the real world. Waiting for it is even more dumb, naive and impossible. Oh well. If I could, I'd rather indulge in animes like this. Because no matter what, the male main character will be handsome and whatsoever. And love in the show is absolutely perfect. That is not possible in reality. I shall go back to living in my fantasy and pray something impossible happens. Like getting sucked into a book. LOL! What's wrong? Nothing's impossible, right. haha. whatever. Ignore me please.

2007-12-14T13:36:00.000+08:00

The opening song of Fushigi Yuugi never fails to make me feel hrirohawo. So far I have no words to describe that. haha. Makes me love the show. The ending song too. ahhh. Watching episode 7 now. LOL. Fuck. I watched till 520am in the morning. I dreamt of......., it's the second time and it's totally odd cos it's like nth will happen between us at all. That's why they say dreams are opposite of reality. But, I somehow liked the dream, cos .........'s a very nice guy. He left a reeeellllyyy good impression on me. Don't worry people, it's no one you know. And it's not some anime guy -.-

2007-12-14T02:17:00.000+08:00

WOOHOO! I've not slept yet. haha. Finished watching episdoe 152 of bleach. Now I have to wait 1 week for 1 episode to come out. Pure torture....... The manga online isn't that nice too. tch. Anw, I'm here to say that in bleach, there's definitely girls i like. :D
The cutest is Nel Tu when she's in the lil girl form. haha. Itsugo. oh well. She's kinda hot when she's back to being her orginial form. Thrid Espada. Anw, the girl that I like is Soi Fong. OMG she's like the coolest. Of course, there comes Yoruichi Shihouin. And Kuchiki Rukia also. Her zanpakutou's the prettiest and she's cool too. LOL. Pardon for the limited vocab. Ain't that good in english. There's a few more other cool ladies, but yeah. haha.

So now, to keep me busy, I'm watching Fushigi Yuugi. :D I love that show alot. It's like the best so far before bleach comes in. OMGOMG. haha. Oh well, kinda old show. But I catergorize that under the same as Ayashino Ceres. or spelt smth like this. I recomment the anime Fushigi Yuugi for anyone who wanna watch smth or whatsoever. I guess many have watched it before but well, you can watch it all over. For the sake of fun and laughter. Once I finish watching that too, i'll re-watch bleach. Yes, craziness. I'm just keeping my consciousness away from the real world, reality. So I can hate guys even more and ignore/neglect more stuff, makes my life much better.

2007-12-13T20:07:00.000+08:00

Here, I'm gonna self-claim certain anime characters MINE. MWAHAHA. The over-possessive traits are acting up. LOL. I'll list them down:
-Abarai Renji
-Kuchiki Byakuya
-Hisagi Shuuhei
-Hitsugaya Toushiro
-Ishida Uryuu
-Ukitake Jushiro
-Urahara Kisuke
-Nova

MWAHAHAHAH. Craziness. Anw, a few more handsome characters that recently I've watched will be added into the list too:
-Hirako Shinji
-Grimmjow Jeagerjaques
-Ulquiorra Schiffer
-Muguruma Kensei
-Ashido

BWAHAHAHA. That makes 13 "boyfriends" for me. hurhurhurhurhurhur. They're untouchable. HEEHEEEEE :D:D Anw, I think ichigo's dad's the coolest. :D I think i'm crazy. End here, gonna go back to my "no life" but just bleach. Kinda neglecting everything else but who cares, life's still the same and great.

(8)Oreta awai tsubasa
kimi wa sukoshi aosugiru sora ni tsukareta dake sa
Mou dareka no tame janakute
Jibun no tame ni waratte ii yo(8)

2007-12-12T15:26:00.000+08:00

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Item for sale:
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size 24

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Please contact me.

My neighbour's kids have been screaming like a bitch. I wish they die. But oh well. I'm gonna stuff my ears with my earpiece and watch bleach anw. Work starts next week, can't wait. Very long never work already. Miss many stuff there. Hope someday they'll put me on the night shift which ia midnight to 830am.

Chatting very little with siva somehow makes me happy. Miss her. The white skinny's hers. That's all.

2007-12-11T02:34:00.001+08:00

They start disappearing one by one. It's inevitable to learn to stand on your own. I totally understand how it feels. Meaning, and touching it is. Life's so much more complex than it seems.

If only we could all live in fantasy, I'd exchange my life for something that's lifeless but yet blissful. I'd give up my life to be featured once every week and not be bothered by the real world. For now, I'd rather sleep and sink deep into my dreams and pray hard the sun won't rise up so early.

2007-12-10T10:08:00.000+08:00

I came home in the morning to listen to my neighbours shout and scream at each other because the male one doesn't seem to have any wee bit of tolerance. I wish I can murder them because the way he's shouting, is annoying me. But I controlled the urge, maybe cultivating and increasing the patience level in me. whatever.

Let me see, what have I done the past few days? I went to Ayman's to celebrate her birthday. Her mom baked a yummy banana chocolate cake and I helped (together with her) to exaggerate the birthday cake with designs. The cake was the typical sponge cake kind with 2 layers of creamy fillings in between. The fillings are made up of chocolate and smally diced bananas. Yummy to the max. Then much of the cake is left so the next 2 days or so it seems, we continued eating the cake at night. Watched dvds too. Without a Paddle's a funny show. Ayman bought her cam on sunday. Kinda feel lost of the dates and days. Anyhow, I enjoyed myself.
Probably go back to cafe to work.

Of course, not forgetting my usual dose of Archies. I read them over and over again. Went to Social Chat on facebook. Hangman-ed too. Checked out a few hotties on social chat. A guy named Carlos Carassco and also a guy named Guray smth. Last night just known a guy called Sahin from Turkey. The social chat seems to be infested with Turkish people. Do you know that about 90% of the people in Turkey are muslims? LOL. Anw, ayman was on webcam with sahin. He's so damn cute when he smiles and we think that his friends are manipulating him. haha. Oh well. Shan't elaborate much. Ayman's got a huge pink dog for birthday present too. I dunno what to blog already.

Nothing can stand between us,
it's smth that seems so perfect after a long and tiring journey of disappointments.
I could not imagine anyone else being just like you,
if only you're real.

2007-12-07T13:18:00.000+08:00

Things slowly fell apart. I no longer have much feelings towards anything. I'm just glad, I'm leaving sengkang to tampines soon. Then I don't have to suddenly be struck by the thought that I'm losing my very own BFF. And yeah, he is gone for now. Totally vanished from the surface of my world. I couldn't be bothered. Many close friends of mine vanish just like that, I'm immuned, I'm numbed. I'll name a few. There's Ally(I still miss him, I still wanna see him), Han(i still miss him too), kids central kid? not exactly disappear, somehow and we're not so close anw, rmb the time when we all(3 female cousins and the kid central kid) just met, went to the beach and lie on each other. Now zaman's gone, but I know he's not vanished. I'll miss him, alot. Army. LOL. Suddenly thought of what ayman told me that happened when they went to the army place. hahahahah. oh well. I shan't be bothered by people who had already vanished.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AYMAN!

2007-12-06T14:39:00.001+08:00

Kill me please. I'm jobless and so in need of filling up my bank because I'm biting chunks out of it. I know I had that sales promoter job that I gave up on. I suck big time, ok. I'm still looking.

2007-12-06T00:09:00.000+08:00

Guys are a chore. I'm ignoring every bloody damn guy as much as I could. Because it's fucking annoying, not it, they.

Tonight, I finally saw the word retribution. Cheers to you, baby boy.

2007-12-04T23:37:00.000+08:00

Baby,
~~there's no more time with you on monday,~~
no more care and concern from you, for me,
no more wanting a sweet smile from me,
no more smiling back sweetly at me,
no more spamming me with smiles,
no more keeping you company on saturday nights,
no more keeping you happy,
no more best thing to do, which is thinking of you,
no more suspense,
no more of my name, stained on your arm,
no more choking because I wanna msg you,
no more misses from you,
no more texting me when you're done,
no more "don't miss me too much"s,
no more being a good girl and meeting you later,
no more living simply by thinking of you,
no more me on your wallpaper,
no more you on my wallpaper,
no more being glad to follow me to shopping if no one wants to,
no more you who's "born to be sweet",
no more "text me later"s,
no more story of "King you",
no more of being bored during hols cos i'll be out meeting you everyday,
because no more meeting you everyday,
no more cuddling in your comfy top,
no more debates on where the bus goes,
no more hugs before leaving,
no more clorets in the cinema,
no more watching you do your tattoo
no more taking the wrong bus,
no more listening to songs together,
no more lame guy tricks from you,

No more calling me "sweets".

Because you're no longer there,
but I don't care, I wish I can not bother.
Because you're avoiding me.
Because you couldn't last more than a month.
Because you can't resist typical eurasian/non-singaporean girls.
Because we aren't meant to be.
Because guys like you prefer friends and not people smth like me.
Because, whatever. I don't wanna waste brain cells thinking for reasons like this.

I hope she leaves you heartbroken someday, loverboy.

2007-12-04T22:28:00.000+08:00

Life's screwed.
A few of the people on the top of my to-kill list this holiday:
1)*The name for #1 in the list has been changed so as to hide his/her identity.
2) L
3) all the bloody bastards in this world
4) all the bloody sluts in this world
5) all guys. Men and boys.

Life's totally screwed, bitch. Cannot get any worse. I can't believe how dumb I am to be still upset over spilled milk, that's already turned yellow and sour because it's for more than a month spilled on the floor. fuck. Guys should bloody invert their dicks and shove it right up their asses. I hate guys to the fucking core. Nothing more that can emphasize my feelings right now. Because, now, any guy in my life feels like a chore. The thought of certain people makes my blood boil. I'm stabbing them until they bleed like a fucking fountain, in my mind. Whatever. Life's just really screwed.

Went to sentosa with KJ and fiona :D:D:D was quite fun, somehow. Had swensens for dinner. I laughed alot today. I had fun today. =)

I'm so not gonna be a sales promoter.

2007-12-02T13:49:00.000+08:00

I had a nightmare last night. I told my mom my dreams last night, and the night before. I cried when I told her the one before.

I touched my piano today. If you know the significance.

2007-12-01T18:43:00.000+08:00

I'm bored to the point that I'm having headaches. =x Just smsed my contact details to this guy who's looking for event promoters. Soooo yeah, events won't take a long time. I'm sure I can take off for those few days(IF I got the job at Mothercare :D, can't wait!) I seriously need a job, cos I wanna earn money and get my very own cafe soon. I do things on impulse, and because I'm having a joint partnership with my cousin, I can't open my cafe right away(which i know you may find it not possible, but in my opinion, it is! I'm determined and i believe things will go well.) and thus, i have to suppress the uprising impulse in me which is totally unbearable for me. Yep. Money is the root of all evil.

I'm still waiting for L to reply my msg on myspace. =\ I really feel like getting a new one soon. As I said, "Once every year". If not, i think i'll probably die. LOL.

What did I do the whole day today? I played Plant Tycoon. Alright, I know it seems boring. BUT, it's really fun! well, to me at least. It's so addictive. And guess what, I've been playing that for days now. Living on free 1hr trials and I think i ran out my free trials. So difficult to find any, but I'll persevere tonight and find another. lol. Someone PLEASE buy me Plant Tycoon, I'll love you to bits.

Now, I've got nothing to do. So i'll probably spend an hour sitting on the toilet bowl, wait and see if there's any shit and sing at the same time. Maybe stand under the shower or just put a mask and chill. I need to go to ayman's house soon, my red nail polish is chipping like a bitch. Tmr, most probably going out with that good old(when i say old, i don't mean old as in old age, but someone i know for quite some time, say maybe 4 years?) guy who can make me smile like the sun. LOL. Gonna give purple highlights another shot. But, I dowan the red, do you think my hair will rot if I dyed like dark brown base/black-blue base then highlight purple? FUCK. =( I'm pretty upset now. My hair's gonna die. Someone buy me a hair treatment product. Something like Pantene or Dove or whatsoever for damaged hair. I'll love to bits too.

If you've got nothing to do, and reading my blog. Here's something for you to do:
Go out and shop for Christmas present for me! Hurry before someone else bought the stuff before you do. haha. Because there's only 2 stuff I want now, which is Plant Tycoon(pc game) and hair treatment products. Don't be such a ninny. They cost less than $20(at least I think so). Plant Tycoon game won't cost so much I guess and so is hair treatment products. Not say they'll cost over $50. Share with a group of friends. I am grateful and I greatly appreciate the thought and care whoever buys me those. :D Cheers!

Edited:
Tonight, I realized it is essential to have at least $30 cash with you even at home. Because you won't know when you'll need it. Tonight, the "newspaper man" came by to collect the bill for our subcription to the newspaper. And my mom and I were totally broke, no money. So we had to pretend we're not in. Yes. Money seems to be running out lately.

2007-11-30T23:50:00.000+08:00

Pictures from Sentosa day! *Warning:Picture Heavy

me and ayman, ayman and i
The cousins
ayman
jon, ayman, me
Me and a deck of cards
don't they look pretty? LOL. ayman and dana.
camwhores
Us, coming out of the water, looking fatter than before. Please compare with the picture below that we took during the chalet in june.Me
Ayman
I love ayman. :D
Ayman.
jon, dana, me, ayman with the almighty purple merlion.
Ayman and I with the merlion.
Jon and dana.
More camwhore.

Okay, so I realized I left out many many pictures of the cute couple, Jon and Dana. So here's more of their pictures.

This is dana.
Jon.
The cute couple.

--------------------------------------------------------
I'm sorry for not uploading more pictures of dana. LOL. But most of the pictures are Jon and the background. LOL. Typical tourist photos. mwaha. I'm not being biased, okay. haha. Just that people know who's dana already, so I should let people know who's jon. :D So much hassle in uploading so many pictures and stuff. haha. oh well, THE END.

2007-11-30T22:30:00.000+08:00

So I went out with dennis today. Quite okay. Met ah lei and one more chef which i dunno his name outside swensens, said hi to ah lei and like ogle at him for some time. HAHA. Pardon me, he's an eyecandy. anw, dennis paid for dinner. We walked around, then followed him or somehow brought him to make tattoo. That's all.

I msged J today. Not for any lame shits, but you know, him being an ass, didn't reply. And that's expected. I msged J is to ask for L's number. L's a tattoo artist, a cute one. And I want him to do tat for me. So, when I've got $$ I can contact him and me and ayman will head down to his house or smth. Soooo, J didn't reply me. I don't care. I can still send L a msg on myspace. Fuck it. That's all. BYE.

2007-11-29T21:57:00.001+08:00

I was exploring some video links, and then I saw one, which really touched me. It's a video of response to this girl who made a video about Miss West Carolina. And the guy in the video of response, has cerebal palsy. Comments were made to mock him and he made another video in response to that, saying that he has cerebal palsy and stuff. I feel for him, and this made me realized, again, how ugly this fucking world is. I think that guy's really great. It's good he doesn't let people get him down. Right now, to me, he's like the most couragest, greatest guy ever. Only asses run people like him down. I feel so strongly towards this because he made me feel like a loser, he made me feel weak. He's life is so much shittier than mine and I'm whining like a dog over it and he doesn't. Everyone else who whine about life is a loser like me. I'll rmb this guy for a long, long time.

So since daddy's friend doesn't sell vaio laptops, I'll just accept that and get something he has. As long as there's webcam, good ram, good speed and usable. I believe I can still survive.

Life's evil.
If it isn't evil, it isn't life.
If it isn't evil, you won't live.
Screw life.

2007-11-29T21:33:00.000+08:00

Today is the day I rot. I am very happy, enjoyed every moment of it. Tmr's going out. Monday having an interview. Tuesday Fiona booked me. lol.

2007-11-28T20:54:00.000+08:00

Happy 20th birthday dana!

Sooooooooo I'm back home peeeeppsss. =) Probably be back to the sad lil kid with a totally black blog. haha. Oh well, I learnt to let things go. And yes, several things are gone, I'm learning to pick new stuffs up. I'm still jobless, as usual. Life isn't any better, more relaxed, more chilled. Think no more, I mean striking out certain issues.

J's attached, and his G friend has a cute guy around. This cute guy's name's P. And he isn't simply any "Cute guy alert". He's a SUPER Cute guy alert. haha. I shall huddle in one corner and mourn over my incapability. haha. I'm just kidding, very obvious with my haha(s). You see, I'm in a pretty good mood today. And I'm somehow able to accept the fact that I'm incapable of keeping a guy like J, and incapable to find a guy like P, and I'm not as lucky as a girl like G. I'm just gonna sit around and wait for a guy like P to pop up into my life. HAHA. Superficial, materialistic, I am. Who isn't? Everyone is, to a range of small to certain to large extent.

And I don't want the world to see me,
Cos I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's meant to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

Bye to this playlist. GG dolls still rocks.

2007-11-28T13:40:00.000+08:00

Alright, since i'm free somehow, I'll blog abit from ayman's house. haha. The night ayman came over, I dreamt of them. I think I miss them too much. =) But jialing had already asked me out, dennis too. Out on friday with the chefs and jialing. So i'll see how. I'll go out with dennis first, then I'll see. Cos the errmmm...karaoke(?) session is quite late. Anyhow. Outing with Jon and Dana was very fun and cute. haha. PICTURE TIME!

27/11

Me, looking nice. LOL.
This is my ex-colleague, the very cute in all ways JOELYN.
The twis session.
Look at her skiving on the baby chair. haha.
ayman with her name tag as a hairclip.
yep, that's me.
The happy beanie.
The twis session.

We still haven't got the pictures from the outing with dana and jon. There were alot of pictures. so yeah. camwhores! haha. We as in me and ayman. That's all. :D

2007-11-28T00:39:00.001+08:00

Nothing much to blog. Refer to ayman's blog post for the outing today(which is considered as yesterday since it's 12am now.)

2007-11-26T23:01:00.000+08:00

I don't know it's me or what, ever since I quit work, things over there seemed fun. I think I'm jealous somehow. Or maybe not. I don't know. It's just a phase. Everything's just drifting apart, all thanks to me. Whatever. I don't care, I don't know, I can't do anything. Blame it on my bimbotic attitude. fuck forever. J added me on facebook. fuck facebook. fuck you, fuck him.

I shall just lay around and chill with ayman for now.

Sometimes, I wish I was the one feeling all sad when I'm around you guys.
Sometimes, I wish I was the one who was quiet.
Sometimes, I wish I was the one who people cared about.
Sometimes, I wish I hadn't been so dumb, so jealous, so fucked.

Thanks to JiaLing who still msges me and keep me company.

Yeah, thanks guys for not asking me out. Feel so appreciated. Be paranoid. Cos I'm talking about you. Yes you. Psyched? Whatever. I don't care. I tried, and I can't anymore, yet it's so difficult to stop being like this. So fuck it. If he didn't tell me, I think I wouldn't know. Yes, great friends you are.

2007-11-25T15:04:00.000+08:00

After watching the show The Pursuit of Happyness, I can't see why I should get so upset. NO point, and useless. Besides, I'm feeling so much better already. I love my cousins. Gotta hang out with them more often, then I will feel totally alright.

Out with ayman yesterday for job searching. Gave our numbers to 3 places already, Mothercare, Joop, Honey&bee. All retail, yeah. Then met dana at the airport fo have dinner at 9plus at Fish&Co. Dana got her pretty cute and small cam, we finished dinner at 10plus. Head down to Terminal 1 to fetch Jon. Yesterday was great. Oh, and I forgot. The day before, I went to ayman's to make cupcakes. =) Woopeedoo.

Shall post pictures up soon. Can't wait for tmr, out to Sentosa with ayman, dana and jon.

ps, dana and jon look so cute tgt.

2007-11-23T01:15:00.000+08:00

Bitch is my name, mean is my game. I'm totally in no mood to talk to anyone. ANYONE at all. So my blog will be down for a short period of time. Probably 1 hour, probably a day. Yes, my horoscope is so darn true. I totally have no problem in creating problems. And I'm going crazy. When will this thing end? I need a dose of Ayman, Zaman, aunt's muffins, late night chilling with them, and a lil love from ~~you~~NO ONE. I could do without any affections right now. Fuck off. Ugh please, Jane. Shut the fuck up. I'm gonna shut up now.

Not accessible for people.

2007-11-23T01:07:00.001+08:00

I think I've got an allergy that I don't know about. Cos the big blotchy patches return.
I scratched out a small chunk of my skin just now, just like how ayman shaved her finger by accident just that mine was my nails, hers was a shaver. I bled.

Anw, I love dev for making me feel better. =) You're the best. I'm still not here nor there, I'm still trying not to, and trying to. I'm sitting around hoping it'll rain upon me. Wish me luck.

2007-11-22T22:18:00.001+08:00

I shouldn't have. I should not. Now I can't seem to. It's hard. What can I do. I'm trying now. I'm trying...

My horoscope for tmr:
You have no problem creating chaos, and right now, your life couldn't be more disorganized -- and it's driving you crazy. Take baby steps. Sort through the mail, then clean the bathrooms. Once you free the emotional havoc, you'll have more energy for romantic pursuits.

yes, life couldn't get any worse right now. I'm bushed. I needa hit the showers and wash everything out of my mind.

2007-11-22T10:54:00.000+08:00

Jealousy isn't getting me anywhere. Waiting aimlessly, also ain't getting me anywhere. This is totally hopeless, and something I should have long ago gave up. Guys suck. They suck to the bloody core. I wish they'd burn. Burn mother fucker, burn.

After looking at ryl's prom pictures, ours are just bullshit. Our prom couldn't get any worse compared to others. Fucked big time. Anw, I think ryl has forgotten about cher and I. =\ I'm pretty irritable today. So I'm gonna ignore every single guy today. The end. Fuckers.

I just rmb what I want to blog. I hate guys who likes angmoh/mixed-blooded girls. I hate guys who likes cute, cheery, bubbly, IJ girls. I hate guys who like long, flowy hair girls. BECAUSE IT'S SO DAMN TYPICAL. In their eyes, that's pretty. Yeah, I'm just being unreasonable. Whichever guy who don't like me will be hated. haha. Whatever. Whoever who likes me, too, will be hated. Fuck.

2007-11-21T20:36:00.000+08:00

Five (5) lessons to make you think about the way we treat people.

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor
gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student
and had breezed through the questions until I read
the last one:

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the
cleaning woman several times. She was tall,
dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question
blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if
the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers,
you will meet many people. All are significant. They
deserve your attention and care, even if all you do
is smile and say "hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her
name was Dorothy.

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an elderly African-American
woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway
trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had
broken down and she desperately needed a ride.
Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally
unheard of in those conflict-filled 60s.. The man
took her to safety, helped her get assistance and
put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his
address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a
knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a
giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A
special note was attached..

It read:
"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway
the other night. The rain drenched not only my
clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along.
Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying
husband's bedside just before he passed away... God
bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving
others."

Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less,
a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and
sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and
studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the
waitress was growing impatient.

"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins.

"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on
the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice
cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress
came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the
table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish,
were two nickels and five pennies..

You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had
to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a
roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if
anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the
king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by
and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the
King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did
anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of
vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the
peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the
stone to the side of the road. After much pushing
and straining, he finally succeeded. After the
peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed
a purse lying in the road where the boulder had
been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note
from the King indicating that the gold was for the
person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The
peasant learned what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a
hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who
was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only
chance of recovery appeared to be a blood
transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had
miraculously survived the same disease and had
developed the antibodies needed to combat the
illness. The doctor explained the situation to her
little brother, and asked the little boy if he would
be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a
deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will
save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in
bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did,
seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his
face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a
trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away".

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the
doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his
sister all of his blood in order to save her.

"Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like you do when nobody's watching."

This line, is so true yet difficult to accomplish the love part.

2007-11-21T15:09:00.000+08:00

I miss ayman alot. =( I realized. and zaman too. I enjoy the time spent in the room lying there, almost getting killed by ayman. LOL. In ayman's house, we'll both be the laziest girls in the world. And we should join America's Got Talent for being talented at laziness.

Looking for a job, I've already msged Mr Tan. I hope there's an event soon. I wanna get my hair re-colored.

2007-11-21T01:36:00.000+08:00

Hair isn't the right color. Therefore, I am sad. I'm broke, and I'm jobless. Jobless, means no pay, no pay means no money. And air is continuing to eat its way into my bank account. Fuck. I'm devastated. Go get a job then. yeah, get a job and quit in like, 3 days? I'm a fickle-minded person. A stupid bloody missy-like bitch who can't seem to suffer just to earn a few dollars an hour. Yeah. People end up doing stuff for me. FOR GOODNESS SAKE, I can do stuffs on my own. And now, I'm probably spoilt real bad, all thanks to people who thinks they're so good and help me to do my work. Yeah, wow. Great job guys, you just made me a useless fucker.

anw, smth opposite for today. Prom was okay. Took lots of pictures. BFF carried me. Supper-ed. The end.

So my boots were killing me. Girls might kill for that boots, but now it's killing me. And I've got a blister. Not worse enough, with being sad, broke, jobless, spoilt, useless, life's getting really irritating. J still isn't out of my mind. And someone else, for a lame reason, has been dominating the "crush" place in my heart. Dilemma, and fucked. The problem is, I know nothing will come out of both of it. Things are hopeless around here. I'm hopeless in relationships, and I've got no hope in it as well. I'm not a good girlfriend either, and not a single guy is a good boyfriend too. Therefore, I'm feeling sad cos after going one big round of trying to convince myself, trying to get over it, I come back to the same spot. Well done jayn, well done. You did a GREAT job.

In conclusion, life isn't well. I'm sad, I'm broke, I'm jobless, I'm spoilt, I'm adding air into my bank, I've got a blister, I'm out of love, I'm in a dilemma, I'm going round in circles, I can't get over things, ah lei's got a girlfriend, I'm useless, I'm not in purple hair. Whatever. I'm just upset cos I thought things thru again.

There are certain people, you just keep coming back to.
~~She~~He is ~~right~~no longer in front of you.

2007-11-19T23:54:00.000+08:00

Busy busy busy these days. Had my nails painted RED. Stayover at ayman's. Almost got killed by the scissors in ayman's hands. hahahhahaha. Then outing. Don't know where to start. (hover)

The end of the pictures taken with ayman. hahahaha.

2007-11-17T03:27:00.000+08:00

Yesterday(I'm blogging at 3+am, so yeah) I dreaded work. But JiaLing made my day today. =) She's shorter, smaller in size than me, but she's 17. And she talks alot, and so cheerful, so nice, bubbly. I feel comfortable around her. First reason being, she's resembles a few person - priscilla, stella. Know, those kind that talks alot, small and cute. =) Yeah, so she made me think twice about quitting, but I'm still quitting. Because, it's so tiring! And I'm only paid 50c more than my previous job and I'm suffering more than 50c at work. So I'm looking for another job. I think if I quit, I will miss the people there. People I'm closer to, like zikai jialing and the chefs!, ryan, saroj, and certain sir and ma'am. =\ Nvm, nvm.
I met stella on bus 80 today. =) We bus-ed home and walked home tgt. haha. Enjoyed her company.

Chef Ah Soon asked me for my number, but it's actually Dennis who wanted my number. And so, he got it from some place at work, but I'm not mad. Dennis said he misses me. oh well. Guys. I'd prefer the other handsome chef to ask me for my number but yeah. HAHAHA. wth. I'm so wtf.

Anw, out tmr, err today, with ayman and dana. =) Love them. Love love them.

2007-11-16T14:00:00.000+08:00

I saw J yesterday, outside penin. He saw me, and looked away. Ass. Whatever. I just got all upset the whole afternoon till work, and after work, maybe a lil. Work killed my ass. I'm dying out of tiredness. So, I'm probably gonna quit after today. Hope CH won't get mad, or cheryl, or kaijie. LOL. I'm such an ass. But all along I wanted a retail one. So yeah, cos I hate the feeling of having to serve others food, maintaining a reeeellllllyyyy good service, smile and smile and clean and clean and getting worried and my pay is less than $5 an hour. Fucked eh. I'd rather take up a job that is boring and time is hard to pass but pay is more. Work today, 5pm to 11pm. Probably reach home around 12plus or 1, again. Gonna be so damn tired but I don't care. No work tmr, I wanna get my hair done.

ooo, and I forgot to say, I saw this really cute angmoh at penin after J. And he looked so familiar, it was then I realized, he's one of the guy from the click five.

Fuck money, fuck jobs, fuck work.

2007-11-15T13:33:00.001+08:00

Chalet was real fun. =) Work was alright too. =) I think zikai's the friendliest guy. Maybe because I'm too friendly? Or is it cos he's the one who taught me? HAHA. Just kinda fun to work at that station. Kinda dread work today, cos I'm the ice cream runner, and I'm afraid I'll screw things up. ahhh well. Listen to some googoodolls and chill. Nothing can get any worse than just a scolding. =)

Chalet was really fun, especially wild wild wet. haha. =) I'll blog more when I get home from work tonight.

2007-11-12T19:03:00.001+08:00

~~He is still able to sweep me off my feet. Shit.~~

2007-11-10T23:43:00.001+08:00

Waiting for you, is like waiting for rain in a drought. Disappointing, and useless.

2007-11-10T22:23:00.000+08:00

Alaina Beaton's hot in dark brown. Hair color I mean. She's still the coolest. Call her your idol and you'll be labelled a poser by me. Try me.

2007-11-10T18:26:00.001+08:00

I'm not in the mood for blogging cos I'm not happy still, and I'm hating life and the world. My pessismist part of my life. Do not attempt to talk me out of it, I'll come out of it eventually. Happiness is just another lie. Fairytales shouldn't be told to children, cos they never come true. We live in reality, cold, harsh reality that can't co-exist with fairytale's love.

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2007-11-10T03:09:00.000+08:00

Temperament
Flexible
Nothing seems to bother you - you sail through life crisis free. It's not that your life doesn't have its ups and downs, it's just that you handle everything without unnecessary drama and antics. You approach each day fresh, not worrying about yesterday or tomorrow. You are confident that you can handle anything that comes your way and experience has shown that you are absolutely right about this.

Interests
Simple
You are continually pursuing a simpler and less complicated life - you don't allow yourself to fall victim to all of the "should do's" that society continually bombards you with. You are thoughtful about your life choices and think in terms of yourself, others and the world in which we live. You have a great sense that we are part of something much bigger and we must be good to others, if we want others and the world to be good to us.

Amusement
Thoughtful
You are easily stressed out and overwhelmed - you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. Because you tend to be self reflective, you know your limits quite well and must remember to not exceed those limits. When you overwhelm your life with obligations and responsibilities, you tend to shut down and go into yourself even further. Take some time to find your serenity and kick back your feet.

Passion
Physical
You are a cuddle bug - from a warm hug shared with your best friend to steamy sex with your partner, you enjoy every bit of human contact that you can get. You demonstrate your love for others most fluidly through physical one-on-one contact and you feel the most loved when you are being touched. You feel disconnected when you are physically isolated from others. You're a people person and a lover of all things human.

------------------------------------
True or not, about me, do you think. I find some seemingly true, very very true, to be honest. Except for the passion part. =\ I don't think that's true, only maybe I'd like a hug from someone. Been hoping, but I know it won't happen. Because, it's just.. too far. Too far. If you ask me, I think all seem very true. To myself. What do you think?

2007-11-10T00:52:00.001+08:00

X
Content is not available for certain public.
Therefore, thus, hence, in conclusion, blogs are still manipulated and relationships should be busted.

I'm super unhappy cos the oversized top I bought online is OOS! And that girl, I think she really ate up my money. Bitch. I wish I can smash right thru the com to her place and beat her into pulp. =( I bidded on that clutch for more than a month ago, I've sent her more than 5 emails already and I think my emails went under her Spam mails since she hasn't replied one of them. Damn. $17.90 down the drain. Shouldn't be so trusting in the virtual world. arggghhhh.

Currently having not much of a thought to blog about. My mind's kinda just in a blur blank. And I'm feeling sad, for I dunno what reason. This time, I really don't know. LOL. It's kinda funny how I'm always blogging about myself being sad, like I'm always sad. I'm not always sad. I'm always bored. haha. Oh well, the sadness I'm referring to in my blog is just pretty mild sadness. Not those that I'll go all emotional about. It's just a tinge of sorrow or maybe sympathy. Yep. That's all for today. Boring as usual.

Can't wait for 17th of Nov. Can't wait for the cousins' outing! :D I miss them alot.

2007-11-09T01:02:00.000+08:00

I saw J's new photos, he still looks so hot. I gotta admit, I'm still smitten somehow. And it's a very sad thing. Hit my brains out of my head. I should stop being such a bug. =\ I kinda miss him somehow. Anw, heard dev got busted by a guy. See, that's why guys should be hated. And that's why I can't find any mancandy right now. Fuck. Guys are idiotic bastards who are self-centred. They want attention for themselves, so they go around flirting. And then because of their laziness, they busted girls over and over AND OVER AGAIN. And when they're attached, they want their girls to be only talking to them or whatsoever. They are possessive, girls can't talk to other guys, but they can go around talking to other girls. When their girls are jealous and talk to them about it, they say we're oversensitive, over-possessive. YEAH RIGHT. (Two positives to give a negative).And when they're crazy, they start hitting them(didn't happen to me though). Fuck. They should go fuck themselves, as what ayman would say. Bastards, and bastards below. They're are fuckers and should be prosecuted, or probably executed. A lil exaggarated but yeah. thoughts.
I just can't help it. Guys are such assholes but I still get smitten by him. Easily smitten. Blame it all on my fetish for moderately thin, tall with minimal pac or a lil more guys. Fuck. But whatever, that doesn't mean I carry a torch for EVERY thin tall guys. Only if they're suddenly seeking attention from me(if you get it), then I might. So I just can't stand myself for being smitten by him, still.

Leave those out of my head. think about tmr!! Out with BFF for awhile :D he's gonna follow me to do stuff. yep. =) =) =) Love love him! :D He's the bestest of the bestest.

2007-11-08T14:24:00.001+08:00

I wrote in my cute furry diary last night. My diary's my confidant, she holds and knows many many secrets of mine. I wish she could talk and so I could have someone to listen and talk to me. But I don't mind her being so, at least she's a non-living confidant, she's 100% trustworthy. Yaeh, then what's the use of my blog?

Blogs are a manner of attention seeking, somehow. Don't get offended, that's how I feel. Although many would say they just blog like a diary, if you think about it yourself, sometimes when you blog something in a moment of folly, you hope people would read it. It IS a tool for attention-seekers. I am, too, using a blog. So, you can say I'm seeking attention. Because, sometimes I do. When you blog, and someone reads, you get their attention. Satisfaction guaranteed! And sometimes you wanna blog about smth you wanna advise people on, you wish they'd give you their attention and agree with you or somehow thank you for giving them advices. So, yeah.

A diary's more practical if you have secrets. Or... probably a lovable cousin who's totally cool and pretty and that she's totally trustworthy, straightforward, blunt yet caring. =)

2007-11-08T01:35:00.001+08:00

MAKE UP WAS SCREWED BIG TIME TODAY. so annoying. =( my eyeliner failed on me, maybe it's a sign to tell me to stop going out. haha. So anw, met cheryl round 4plus today then headed down to bugis. Chilled at mos burger then yijin came. LOL. Had an interesting conversation, rather fun. Yijin used his powers to summon rizuan, ch and kj. But their butts didn't get stuck to his hand. oh well. haha. Spent like a long time filling up application forms, then went for dinner. Laughed and much fun. Headed to the arcade. =) =) =) :D :D Saw some guy playing House of the Dead 4 with 2 guns, and he's totally pro at it. We speculated that he is some guy with no friends and that he played the entire game more than 1000 times. haha. Went home after. Although isn't too detailed, but today's the reason why I love having guy friends more than girl friends. They're so much more fun. =) Love my bff.

Having a new picture is better than none. My blog's been plain boring with only chunky words.

2007-11-07T01:55:00.001+08:00

Uncle Lawrence msged me a few days back. =) asked about my Os and stuff. As you know, dad and I aren't in close terms, talk very less a day. So, uncle lawrence told me about daddy's business going downhill. And yes, I've heard about his asshole lazy workers wanting to quit. So, uncle lawrence asked me for a favour to help daddy with his invoices and work orders. I didn't know how to tell dad at first, there's this odd awkwardness between us father and daughter. But I finally got it off my chest today. And I'm happy. =) Cos I can tell when my dad's worried, troubled, and I'm so happy to see him smile at me today when he was teaching me what to do. Even though my dad's a male chauvinist, I still love him because I know he loves me. And I don't know why, when I talk to anyone about my dad's problems, I'll have that stinging sensation of the before crying effects. No matter how much I hate my dad at any moment, I love him deep down. =)

2007-11-06T22:54:00.000+08:00

Shopping today! with fiona, mong, anna, dev and becca! :D:D:D saw many stuffs, but well, money makes shopping world goes round. So I end up with a new set of bikini and a pretty red heels from mondo. =) I'm still looking for a handbag, a bag that's of a reasonable size that I can bring for outings and to school(next year!), a clutch(that bitch hasn't reply to any of my freaking emails, scammed me of my $17.90, hope I'll get my clutch), a set of black bands, leather knee-high boots, probably more clothes that caught my eye. Can't wait for next monday's two paper1s to be over then it's shengsiong for chalet! haha. =x that is if we planned for next monday, cos the papers end in late afternoon which means I might miss going to the supermarket. Oh well, can't wait for class chalet!

2007-11-05T11:50:00.001+08:00

Sorry seemed to be the hardest word, and tears fell this time. I guess we really care about each other. I guess, only true friends or cousins will quarrel like nobody's business, and really get hurt but find out your flaws, your wrongs through the quarrel when your friend reflects them. And then, sorry is the hardest word to say. I keep my stand, that that's the real sincere sorry ever.

I love you. =)

2007-11-03T23:43:00.000+08:00

Shot through the heart,
and you're to blame.
Darling, you give love a bad name.
FUCK YOU~~

Angel's smile, is what you sell.
Promise me heaven and put me through hell.

Changed my playlist yet again. Back to the sec2/3 song period. Love love atreyu and a7x. Went to the docs again today. Another time and I'm down for an Xray, as so said by my doc. And now, I'm loving this feeling. The feeling of drowsiness, the feverishly sick feeling. The a quarter asleep, a lil warm yet cold feeling, smooth comfortable feeling when your skin touches the bedsheets, the feeling of sudden coldness when you touch yourself and then a surge of warmness spreading thru the area of skin you've just touched. Ah, love love it. It's the same feeling when you're having a fever, and I love that. Call me sick but I just like it. Everyone has their own favourite bullshit.

I think cough syrup, that makes me drowsy, makes me moody. It's because of that feverishly sick feeling, that'll lead to moodiness. But I'm still lovin' it. I don't know what I'm moody about, I just am. I know it's something inside, but I still haven't find it yet, I am lazy to.

Finally saw J online. We didn't talk.

'm in no mood to talk to anyone somehow, yet I'm still accomodating, means I'm replying. I don't know what and why I'm moody for. Disappointment maybe. Too many, too long. Disappointments, certain given empty words, certain something(s) that you have no ability/authority to have a say in, certain issues. It's sad how people say that it's your life, you have the right to do as you please, don't be controlled. It's sad, 'cause at the end of the day, no matter how much effort you put in to change something, you'll still end up facing the tragic ending. The effort put in, is just to stall for time. It's all a lie, all a fabrication, of politics, democracy, freedom. All a lie about life, happiness, love. I still wish to remain my stand, that this world is ugly, very ugly. If you're still living in a self-made fantasy, you'll burst out of that bubble, falling faster than others down this bottomless pit of society, generation, sorrow.

Live life to the fullest, people say. I find it hard to be happy at nights, alone in front of the com, alone in the room. Anw, I'm numb-ed. I had already. However, it's only temporary, I know. Soon, I'll face the whole shit again. It's not within my range of control. I'm trying hard to stop this mind game, it's difficult. That's how an aspect of my life's screwed over and over again. What's all for love anw. Even if I still have affections for someone, I won't say it. Cos it's iced over. Everything just seem under my feet, and I'm feeling nothing anymore. Yet somehow, I'm still feeling the misery caused by disappointments. It's root deep in me, and it's much tougher to remove it. No cure, more disappointments, more misery.

My wish, to never grow up, to wish life to come to a standstill right now. I just wanna lie in my mom's embrace of true love and sink into a deep sleep forever. My eyes are filled to the brim with tears that, now, trickled down and stained my cheeks. Disappointments, had won over me, yet again. Everything's just a vicious cycle.

ps, The Game Plan's an awesome movie.

2007-11-02T23:48:00.000+08:00

And so I'm in search of a new job. BFF asked me to join swensens with him and many many people. It sounds really fun, and I really wanna join. But the thought of working f&b again, and that the pay's like only 50c more than my current and that it's at Buona Vista, it's super sian. But I'd think it'll be really fun. So I hope cheryl can work tgt with me. =) I'm so in need of moolah. I spent SOOOO much of it. =( And I'm still considering on getting a new set of bikini and shorts. WTF, and more shopping which includes leather boots, another pair of shades, chokers. ARGHHHH, MONEY PLEASE RAIN ON ME. lol. Anw, since I gave my word to CH, I'll just keep them =) Pray and hope I won't dread work as much as now. BUT, ARGH, I really feel like working retail. I'm in a dilemma. Fuck me in the head. rah. I'm bored like fuck.

I feel so sick of life, we live just to wait for death. In the meantime, we shall be tortured. Tortured as in sick in the head education, work, and more work. Just for money. And money spent, work crazily somemore. We work so hard our whole lives, from young we work hard in studies so that we can work more when we're adults. And at the end of the day, we'll all just grow old and die, or die of sickness, or die of accidents. Suffering at the same time when we're sick. I don't even know if it's a good thing or bad thing for a person to lose a battle with cancer, and his only wish was to not feel the pain of going thru therapies and pain from the sickness. What's the meaning of life? =\ I guess if I really knew, I'd already attained nirvana or smth.

Today's playlist:
And All Things Will End
I Won't See You Tonight (part1&2)
Eternal Rest

ps, Lionel Tan's letter's published on 2nov's The New Paper. =) love my brother big time

2007-10-29T21:48:00.001+08:00

Okay, I'm feeling less angry. =) So yeah, moment of folly blog posts are classic! mwaha. Anw, I've hidden the classic post away. lol. To prevent feelings hurt.

~~ps, i really miss my bff =(~~
guys are just assholes, really.

2007-10-28T22:43:00.000+08:00

I feel so terrible. I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm still coughing. And this time it isn't those cough that comes often. It's those sudden coughs, and it's so forceful that it makes me feel like I'm gonna cough out my guts. Then, I'll feel like puking and I'll start tearing cos when I start coughing, it's hard to stop and I have to breathe in deeply like someone who has asthma. If I don't breathe in deeply, I'll have to experience what seems like forever of forcing my guts and my breakfast, lunch, dinner out. I wish I could die sometimes. When will this stop? My 3 round of cough syrups had finished and I'm still coughing like my soul's gonna get coughed out of my mouth.

2007-10-27T22:06:00.000+08:00

Today, I read the forum section in the New Paper. Although I wish to remain neutral on the issue about section 377A and whatever bullcrap that revolves around it, I'm pretty infuriated by a woman who wrote in to speak up about her intolerance towards homosexuality. As quoted from her, she finds that "homosexuality is a sin." That's what that kinda angered me. It doesn't mean that I'm a homo, but it's 'cause I don't think people should discrimminate homosexuals. And, also from what she said, homosexuality is an abnormality, no matter physical or emotional. It's not an abonormality, honestly. Just because a person has a different perspective on the issue of affections doesn't make him or her an abnormal.

If homosexuality is a sin, or 'cause fucking someone from the same sex is a sin, then we've all sinned, definitely. Don't tell me in your whole life, you're so devoted to a person. It's a sin too, to lie to the person you love(which everyone does, kids lie to their parents, you lie to your boss, people in a relationship lying to each other). It's not like in your entire life, you fucked only person. So get over this homosexuality thing already. People have their own lives, and you have no rights to control it or try to put a stop to what they're doing to their lives. For fuck's sake! If they love someone from the same gender, and you try to stop them from being together, you're just another big fucking anal. You wouldn't want someone to separate you from your loved one, so put yourselves in their shoes.

Yes, Singapore's a, ehem, democratic country. I'm not stopping people from voicing their opinions, but I just think it's perfectly alright for homosexuals to coexist with self-proclaimed straight people. Anw what makes you think that liking someone of the opposite sex means you're straight? No one ever said that, it's just how people thought of it to be. hmm. *shrugs* Oh well, I'm also just voicing my opinions. 'Cause the whole world's working the way society makes it to be. If the society tells the people that getting attracted to the opposite gender is straight and normal, then the people think so. If someday society made shit a new neccessity, people will look at you funny when you don't carry shit around. =\ They'll just ostracize you like you're a bad mother fucker just because everyone thinks the same way they're made to think. THE PEOPLE HAVE NO MIND OF THEIR OWN!

Thank you for your attention. Ha Ha.

2007-10-27T00:51:00.000+08:00

Nothing much to blog. I just find myself looking at many things from the past. I find myself not very affected, but affected, still. Somehow, or rather. Wondering at some point why hadn't I been like this. And yeah, I'm different from last year, or last last year, or whatsoever. I'm a lovable me now. lol. Whatever. I don't know what to blog, when I have something subjective, or some lame crap I feel strongly about, I'll come and bullshit. Anw, some love from ayman to me. =)

Love you loads too ayman. :D

2007-10-26T10:59:00.000+08:00

Oh anw, I saw Shannon and this-girl-that-I-know-of-from-compassvale-primary-but-i-forgot-what's-her-name yesterday at burger king.

I realize how it doesn't affect me anymore, when I think of those days.
Disappointments, just disappointments.
Too many.

2007-10-26T10:20:00.000+08:00

I had a damn funny dream last night. I dreamt of someone that's so out of my life right now. Not exactly out of my life, but he doesn't talk to me anymore when he used to help me out when I ran away from home. Well, sort of help me out, in a really small matter but he made me feel better. So anw, I dreamt that he was dancing! LOL! And it's not those super cool kind of dance like hiphop or whatsoever. It's like modern dance! Those kind of artistic-lookalike kind of dance. LOL!! Even in my dream I was laughing my ass off at him. hahahahahahhahaha. OMG, it's so damn fucking funny, I'll never forget how it looks like. And he didn't even know I was laughing at him only after sometime. hahaha. SHIT. lol. Oh well, minor destress from dream before history paper2. argh!

Wish me luck.

2007-10-26T00:02:00.000+08:00

I've been studying for quite a bit just now. Feel like I'm going crazy, I can't sit there for hours doing work. I'll go nuts. And so, I've had my vanilla ice cream in a cup, and I'm feeling better.

I'm feeling all green. I know I shouldn't feel so, I'll just put them feelings aside and get over and done with Os.

2007-10-25T19:59:00.000+08:00

29th october 2006 7:59pm
Hmmm, many many strong feelings about a certain issue. Where should I start? Alright, here goes. I, lovable adorable Jayn, am formidable. Not in the sense of strength or whatsoever, I believe if you know me well, you'll know why. I can't exactly describe how it feels, so I shan't, and you shall find it out yourself. So anw, I've found out some facts, something I've not known of. I didn't particularly went looking for it, I did actually sometime earlier but to no avail. Today, I happen to stumble upon it and I, the missus of my beloved blog, am not happy about it. In fact, I'm pretty furious, breathing fire out of my mouth(or is it nose?), and I have a fork tongue. =k whatever now. I shall go right into the point.

I hate guys who don't know the limits. I take my hat off for those who seem to be able to make girls feel perfectly comfortable around them. Their glib tongue, flattering compliments, sweet nothings. Yeah, they're sweet NOTHINGS. Only girls are stupid enough to fall for them. I pity myself, and every other girl around. At first, I admit I was biased in my view on this, and I thought she was wrong. But, now I've been enlightened. OH, how innocent guys appear to be. I'm happy that I saw the other side of a guy. The other side's appalling, but I'm not gonna react to anything. Even though I know the truth, I still treat him as friend. I shan't deny I am frustrated and angry, it'll all go away after awhile. So anw, back to point, guys are just jackasses as lovers.

Fuck guys and their bullcrap. If a girl's so committed and things just ended, I believe you have no rights to say how sad you are. And when she saw something of yours, if you love her, you'd have corrected that and won't be as sad as you are now. Besides, the current one isn't any better, I'm disgusted. I believe girl#1's much better. I see the loopholes in your speech. I see the similar traces of that very same lie. And soon, when I let my guard down, we'll probably end up not friends for another year or two. This is what guys do. CHILDISH guys. What's the fucking problem? So you broke up, then why the fuck did you TRY stupidly to ERASE all traces of her? WTF?! Like blocking her on msn, deleting her from your fuckin friendster list. HAH, I'm impressed at the strong front guys are putting up. hmm! I'm really impressed!

So whatever, I'm mixing all issues I'm feeling strongly about. One after another. BLAH. If only I could see the other side of you, baby, I wouldn't have felt that sorrow even if nothing started. I wish I had. Anw, back to the first point, when I first stumble upon that, blood rushed up my head as I began to feel my blood boiling at the top of my brain. ARGH, what insolent fools. IMBECILES. It's so insulting! The way they're doing things, girls can't get back at them. AND so, I thought to myself, "hmmm. If I could act bitchy, and try something I did back then, maybe I could help her take some revenge. =) (smile widely)" WHAT?! I know I have a reasonable bad reputation for some misunderstandings or smth that girls bitch about me. I know, I know. No matter good or bad reputation, I know I have a certain amount. And, who cares?! Only true friends know me =) and that's totally enough for me. What more is that my new life's gonna start next year, and I could use some reputation. And, if I be a lil more tame, I might change the way the bad reputation's put me down. But what the heck?! Girls are afraid of a bad girl. Girls all pretend to be all that, but somewhere deep down, they know they'll wanna avoid a certain someone. I'd just like to give my eww-i-don't-like-your-everything-bitch look. =) Besides, it's not that I know a certain no. of people have been trying to be me. HAH! Nice try, I think you're doing pretty fine yourself. A lil mix of me and you, and whala! EUREKA! haha. Fun-ny. So anw, I'm just pretending to be all that(depends on how you look at it). Don't look down on what I can do, if you make me fired up, I'll make sure you pay for it for hurting my lovely ladies.

To be honest, when I confront people, I do feel the nervousness threatening to jump out of my mouth, but all that fury, it can't come out. So, I do feel nervous, but it's guts and self-esteem that keep me in par and surpassing you. mwaha. Seriously, that girl's a total wreck, sick, revolting, and dumb. ha! Yeah, yeah, bitch about me you male-bitch. haha. Guys do bitch alot I tell you, I know a few. I shall restate my stand now, I am blogging to vent out my anger, and even though I know shit, I'm not gonna do anything because I'm someone nice and I cherish the friendship between us. Oh, before I end, guys are selfish bastards. NO guy, NOT A SINGLE ONE THAT I'VE DATED, have made an effort to know me. Yes, I have an alter ego, or even plenty of different personalities and my mind and thoughts sink more than 8 feet deep, it goes down to more than a mile. I made the effort to know them, and they selfishly don't make an effort to understand me. If you keep up with your effort on understanding me and not give up when I run you down, I'll be touched and I'll be more open to you. Sad bastards. Don't think you'll have the cheek to tell me that we could be because I understand you. BUT YOU DON'T understand me, yeah dude, totally fair. Girls need TLC, and not even understanding us won't do a shit. Relationship is about mutual understanding, anal. Oh well, THE END!

ps, I'm a pretty nice lady all the time. =) you can ask my girlfriends. They know it best. =) But rage drives me to do anything to bring you down if you're a jackass to the core. So far, I've seen none, and I hope I know none 'cause it hurts to bring you down but I'll still will.

p.p.s, I miss my BFF, rizuan. =\

2007-10-25T10:54:00.000+08:00

Today's elective geog paper. We're gonna confess, Fiona and I haven't touched a single bit on geog. hahaha. We're going to meet up with becca and study soon. =x I'm supposed to leave the house now. oh well. Anyway, Russel Soh wished me luck for today's paper. Unexpected, but yeah. =)

2007-10-23T23:18:00.000+08:00

Oh, fuck, it's O levels. I'm screwed. I'm totally screwed. Tell me I'm dead, or you can just take a kitchen knife and stab it thru my heart. LOL. Oh well, I'm studying last min. Wish me luck.

2007-10-22T21:32:00.000+08:00

I was told you're depressed,
by a little bird that was severely hurt,
as it did not notice my window,
it just flew wherever the wind blows.

As it convulsed on the pavement,
it whispered, "I am hated."
Your genetic flaws, I said,
say it all.
You can't decipher reflections from reality,
but neither can I.
I noticed, neither can I.

What do you do,
when your life's a disaster,
and you're moving faster,
and it's getting harder to breathe.

What do you say,
to someone who's right,
but you disagree even if it's the truth.

2007-10-22T21:08:00.000+08:00

I lost my secret love.

I didn't know it was gone for so long. I was searching them out last night, I remember clearly they were left in that second shelf of my cupboard. They weren't there. So I searched the top shelf. They weren't there too. I thought my mom had kept them somewhere else, so I dropped the issue and waited for the next day. It was only now that I mentioned it to my mom. I was horrified. She gave them away along with other unwanted clothes. I don't blame my mom, it wasn't her fault. I bailed out on them first. argh, fuck. I'm so fucking sad.

Haven't a clue what I'm talking about? They're my leotard, my stockings, my ballet shoes. Yes, my lovely leotard. What do I want them for? They're essential for my secret love. Have you not got it yet, you dumbass. I love dancing. I love ballet. But I quitted my cca first? Yes, but that doesn't mean that I don't love dancing. I love dancing, they're my passion. My natural born ballerina's feet aren't for nothing. It's like the passion's natural born, just like my feet. I quitted my fucking cca is cos I can't stand working, living under biased conditions. I hate people who're fucking biased and laoshi is one. She doesn't know how much impact she has made in my life. laoshi isn't in charge of ballet. I love ballet with my whole heart. So I quit, I walked out on ballet, for the second time. I don't dance now, but I wish I still had the chance too. What do you know? I bet you didn't know how much I liked to dance. No one knows, I told no one.

And to think that my love has been given away, my heart dropped like a stone. I really felt like crying, I was so damn sad. I just can't believe it. Subconsciously, dancing, ballet, they're like a dream to me. They're like a long lost dream, cos I chose to quit, I chose to walk away, I chose to leave them on the shelf. But I can't deny somewhere deep down in my heart, they have a place. They're like a burning passion. If I were to meet the ballet teacher again, I might dramatically get on my knees to plead for her to give me lessons. Let me tell you why I like it so much. Dancing's like a burning fire, when it starts, it doesn't stop at all or totally. It just keeps burning, even when it looks like it's extinguish, it leaves a small, gentle spark behind. I love it because you can express yourself gracefully through dancing. It keeps all my problems out because of it's serenity.

When I was told about them being given away, it just like smth got ripped out of my heart. And now, it's empty. I feel so lost, like life's nothing now. What am I to do? whatever. Why did I crap so much? What does it matter now? Who cares anyway? It's just a freaking dumb leotard, stockings and ballet shoes anyway. I don't wanna go on anymore. It just makes no sense to feel sad about something you just throw away.

Let's not pretend I've not heard what the girls say about me.
I know what's going on behind, I just pretend I've not heard anything.
It isn't the first time rumours were made about me,
it isn't the first time I've gone thru all these judgemental shits.
Everyone treats me like this when they first saw me,
'cause no one bothers to know me better.
Whatever, no one gives a shit anw.
Fuck off, aite.

2007-10-22T01:35:00.001+08:00

I'm bored like a bored motherfucker. Fuck. LOL. Ayman and I are chatting online now at 1.35am about not believing in science, about the language and alphabets we're using now are actually wrong and there's other kind of shapes actually to represent words, or maybe the words we're using are all wrong(if you get what we mean), and how dumb pokemon is.

I'm bored to the core.

2007-10-21T00:04:00.000+08:00

*Warning: Picture heavy.
.
.
.

Today, went to airport with DEV, FIONA and BECCA! mwaha. Went there specially to, er, study. but yes, we studied a lil. LOL. Main reason probably is to oogle at cute guys. Sadly, there aren't many today. There's this cute waiter guy at fish&co. AND!!!!, there's 4 caucasian backpackers. the first one was a cutie! A HUGE CUTIE! The second one in a cap was also not too bad. ahhhh!! hahaha. Oh well.

I went thru almost half of my pictures to delete excessive ones cos my pictures are taking up too much space. So anw, I went thru pictures of last christmas where it was only 3 of us. That time was great. It was only me, ally and ayman. =) If i could, i'd put up my entire collection of pictures to show you how fun times were back then, but i can't cos it's too many. (rollover)
Then, there were the times we had so much fun at the 2 chalet occasions. And once, it was the usual 4 of us(with zaman), and dana and many more. Mostly zaman ain't in the picture with us =( but there's dana :D

071206

june07

Of course, I miss all the fun times with my lovely cousins, not forgetting gus and adi. :D 1, 2, 1 2 3. LOL.

Yep, I love these 2 guys. They're always caring for me and all. =) Love you both.

----------------------------------

Alright, I was just feeling very emotional just now when I browse thru the pictures, cos despite my life right now, I'm missing life back then. And now, everything's just drifted away. =\ taadaaaaa, end right now la. lol.

I'm praying somehow that....

2007-10-20T22:17:00.000+08:00

I hate my coughs, they're not frequent but when they come, they won't stop at all. I have to stop it with much force. And, they're very forceful kind of cough that makes you feel like you're gonna cough out your guts, and every internal organs. Then, soon blood will rush to your head due to all the forceful work, and your ears will go very very numb and hot. When you try to stop and hold onto your ears, your whole head will feel wobbly and numb with heat.

2007-10-19T23:12:00.001+08:00

I bought Cleo magazine today. I was laughing my ass off when I read one of the 30 things men envy about women. Here it is:

#23 Step, two, three...
A woman on the dancefloor merely has to sway her hips to look super-sexy. Guys, however, have failed to master the art of suggestion, so we go for the big thrusts and moves stolen from rap videos. Which results in us feeling like the biggest and baddest mo'fo on the floor but sadly, looking like a vertical epileptic.

LOLOLOLOL....!!! This reminds me of a Russell Peters comedy. Hot cashier girl. This is very very very funny too.

2007-10-19T21:46:00.001+08:00

As I sit in front of my old-fashioned computer, listening to this particular song, I took a walk back into the past. Oh, how foolish I used to be. The days tears poured like my eyes were a running tap. How fragile and naive I was back then to have placed my whole heart, my entire trust and faith into love. Love, nothing more than just a silly emotion, a rush of blood, a sudden embrace that heats up your cheeks, an unexpected skip of a heartbeat.
Look into the days I was superficially blinded by yet another false hope of love. I gave my all, i threw in my relationship with my dad, I threw in my pride, I threw in my entire care and concern, I threw in my empathetic nature. I threw in almost everything, to see everything washed down the drain. When I finally see through things, I can't seem to pick up the pieces. I can't seem to be able to start from scratch all over again.
That day I chose him over you. I thought to myself, this is it. I could safely place my trust, my heart into this love. But I have my reservations, I knew that love will betray me afterall. Nevertheless, I betrayed myself. A long period of commitment and I played the game, to find myself being fooled. I thought love was secure, but it was never.
This time, I've never imagined myself to be sitting here, thinking of you. Thinking of the smiles, those times. Thinking of smth that never happened, smth that never even started. These that I felt for you, you've never heard of. And I never imagined myself to be sitting here, listening to this song, and think how foolish I am to allow myself to feel this way.

How much I've given, how much I've taken, how much I've compromised, how much I've lost. All for the sake of nothing. I've yet to decide on what to do on such issues, whether to give this another shot, or just lock up for good. My bestie told me, take these as a lesson to not trust anyone but yourself. My cousin told me, you're strong. you're our favourite. it's their loss they can't see that thing in you. I'm touched, I really am. Contented and blessed I am, with cousins and these few friends who love me for who I am, who stood by me no matter what, who support me with whatever I do.
I threw away my strong front last year that kept me away from almost everyone. I wish I had kept some of it. 'cause as I listened on, I can feel my heart wrench in pain, I can feel a pain searing right to the core of my heart.

I tell myself, why..? it's not worth feeling this way. So here I am blogging about it. It's my way of letting things out so I can feel better. Same as writing in my diary. I won't deny that I'm still feeling rather down, but I can stand right back up. Trust me, I'm who I am. =) And I will stand, for the sake of those who stood by me all along. For the sake of being there for them.

Thanks for the love, thanks for listening, thanks for making me smile, thanks for all the care, thanks for standing by me.

2007-10-18T22:06:00.000+08:00

Since I've got nothing to blog about, I shall blog about my cool nightmare last night that kept me awake when I woke up at 9plus today (what?! i wake up around 11plus to 12. so i'm so tired at 9plus).

I dreamt about zombies again. Yes, Resident Evil fever. haha. So it started off with me in this office-like place just like some Umbrella Corp. or smth. So someone died weirdly, and I was just like the messenger boy kind of person la, so I had to bring the report and details of that deceased to the autopsy lab. Apparently, he died in some zombie related ways. Anw, I dunno why the details are all on transparency and I accidentally bent it when I tried to squeeze thru some MRT tap in & out thing. haha. So I gave it to person there, but I wanted to talk to them about smth(like i knew smth is gonna go wrong and that zombies are out there).

All of a sudden, everyone's in a frenzy, like they've gone crazy cos of the zombie issue. Since it's my dream, I'm somehow or rather the main person in my dream(grins widely). So, along with 1 or 2 more cool babes, we were asking people to stay indoors and not go out. Yes, oddly, there's like 100000 more ppl appearing out of no where. We were no longer at the same office-like thing. Looks more like some shopping centre or whatever buildings. So there's those 2 big doors like those which leads to some wide staircase in the shopping centre. They are yellow. Babes and I were telling people to lock the doors and not go out. But somehow, there are dumb stupid people who think they can save themselves. They opened the door and rushed out. Babes and I were like "WHAT THE FUCK?!". So someone told me, it's alright, we'll let them be. (she walks towards the door as she speaks) We'll just not let anyone back in. Then she locked the door.

The whole scene changed to school where I was running away from the zombies with cheryl and becca. To be specific, we were chased by a chimera. And it's not those chimera you see in the shows, it's oddly a grey monster freak that's tall and big and haha, with black hair like a human. I just realised, it resembles a werewolf. haha. The harry potter one, but it's bigger and more macho, not so lean and thin. Anw, becca or cheryl said, let's hide in the toilet and don't make a sound. They won't find us here. keep the doors open. (?!!!! I know it's weird but oh well, dreams.) So we squatted in the cubicle and stayed silent. For I don't know what reason, cheryl and becca started talking to each other. OK, picture all 3 of us squatting in a cubicle with the doors open. I'm in the middle, cheryl's on my left and becca's on my right. I forgot what they were talking about, cheryl stretched her hand acrossed to touch becca. I was getting worked up cos we were supposed to keep quiet for christ's sake! So I kept shushing them but they won't keep quiet. Expected, we were busted. I dunno how we managed to get away, we just managed to. The grey werewolf-like chimera started chasing us. Then this cool heroine(like alice) appeared with a bazooka and blast that thing away. She felt familiar so I presume she's one of the babes with me before.

She handed me one bazooka saying, here, take this. I'll tell you, this part's funny. The bazooka is as expected, the large tube like thing that you have to put over your shoulders, but it comes with a side machine! HAHA, so you have to carry it around. It's like a black CPU on rollers or smth, cos it felt so easy to move it. So anw, that babe, since we were kinda closely acquainted like partners due to the experience in the shopping centre-like place, she told me, cover my back, while i take the front. I said, alright. So we started moving swiftly to some place as she shoot in front while I shoot at the zombies that are attacking from the back. Please don't ask me what happened to becca and cheryl, they just disappear like they disapparate to some safe place. haha.

I ran to this place that resembles the 1st floor classrooms near the quadrangle. haha. And I was telling the, ehem, kids, Stay in your classroom. Lock all doors and windows. Don't make any sound.(sounds so much like Claire Redfield when the crows invaded the whole place right, haha, i noticed too.) I'll stay outside to keep watch. So the lil primary school-like kids shuffled in and switched off the lights and stayed quiet. Nothing stirred. Suddenly, the sec3 students from our school appeared and I told them to hurry into the classrooms. I noticed a few guys had been injured/bitten so I said, those who are injured or bitten, do not go in please. You should understand why, so I need you to help stay outside to protect them. It's a safety precaution, so that I can kill them when they changed and keep those in the class rooms safe, at the same time I don't have to kill them inhumanely. So we stayed outside.

Another hilarious part, don't ask me why again cos it's supposed to be a dream and dreams are weird. Mrs Raja was like those nemesis/zombie-boss/chimera kind, but fear not, she doesn't look monsterly, she looks like herself. =x So I was using my bazooka, I fired a shot at her. It just vanishes when it hit her!! No effect at all. I was going, shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. in my mind. But she did nothing. She took a chair, along with a lil indian boy which I presume him to be her son, and sat at the front door of the first classroom I was protecting. She was there to keep watch too. So I stood near the middle of the corridor, feeling more at ease. Then I met this girl, I forgot is it Fiona or Claire Redfield from Resident Evil:Extinction, by the staircase near the needlework room. We're on 1.5 floor, if you understand what I meant. I told that girl, It(the almighty bazooka) doesn't seem to work on her(mrs raja)! She looked at me and exclaimed, yeah! i tried it too. Then I went back to my position. I can't rmb very much already, I think at some point, some zombies came and the kids panicked. Some tried to come out and I told them to stay in and the whole place was chaotic as I fired at the zombies while gesturing them to stay in.

THE END, I forced myself up cos it was too realistic(the feeling), and I didn't wanna live in a zombie infested world. So for awhile, I was paranoid, thinking what if the world now is infested with zombies and zombies are crowded outside my bedroom door. So I started imagining myself opening the door to find zombies going, ughhhhhhhhhhhhh, and pawing at my door. I shut it and locked it. I shouted to my brother in his room. Then I picture him in his room/I crashed the wall that's separating our rooms and saw him shocked when he opened his room door. 3 zombies limped in. My brother had no weapons, so he twisted their head. Yeah, end of my imaginary story. I looked around my room and picture my messy room to be all abandoned and bloody like how the buildings and streets are in a zombie infested town like in Resident Evil.

Yes, my nightmare's so cool. I know there's many loopholes somehow, like the kids are in the classroom, then the zombies and crash thru the window on the opposite side(not the corridor side since it's the 1st floor). But it's a nightmare/dream. So, I can't exactly answer your qns. haha. Night peeps.

ps. I'M SORRY FOR THE CHUNKY BLOGPOST, I'VE GOT NO PICTURES OF MY DREAMS YOU SEE. I KNOW YOU HATE MY BLOGPOSTS FOR THIS POINT. MWAHAHA.

2007-10-18T21:56:00.001+08:00

Cried when I watched the last episode of my 9oclock show. hahaha. It's touching, okay. That's why I cried. I didn't study today. =\ Went to Jack's Place with becca, dev and fiona. Then had fun at Best. LOL. We checked out our Vaio laptops, looked around at other cool computers. Devien had fun with the coffee machine. hahahaha. Headed down to becca's house to see fiona and dev play audition. Watched tv, then left for home round 7. That's all.

What do you expect? It's nearing Os, nothing interesting will happen. haha.

2007-10-18T00:22:00.000+08:00

I didn't know it felt that bad until I experienced it again. I'm still trying to throw it away somehow, it's tough. Afterall, I'm still running away from everything and thought I actually got over it. It's tough, it really is. Just when I was laughing and mocking at those girls, I find myself feeling the way they do. It never occur to me that this will happen again, I was so sure I won't land myself in such a state again. So here I am, feeling as bad as I did few years back. Not many can make me feel this way. So far, it's only 2... only these 2..

2007-10-17T21:10:00.000+08:00

Becoming Jane.

I should read one of her novels someday, Jane Austen's novels.

2007-10-16T19:29:00.000+08:00

Went to Becca's house today with the whole bunch of girlfriends. haha. I was dying there, coughing endlessly. Forgot to bring my medicine =( Oh well. LOL. we were playing audition halfway and then then com just died on us. So we went to becca's brother's room to look at Vaio laptops and talk about jobs and stuff. Was rather nice while it lasted. haha. Played Uno then we went home. I got my cropped hooded cardigan and my iBanking thing. mwahah. I love the cardigan's red. I don't know what else to blog.

I need to get black mascara.

2007-10-15T11:46:00.000+08:00

Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he said
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt
I sneak into his car's cracked leather seat
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
Boy, we're going way too fast
It's all too sweet to last

It's the five of us, with pretty eyed boys girls die to trust.

2007-10-15T11:31:00.000+08:00

I missed a FredFlare spree. =( Cos there's this nicole richie shades i wanna get from there. argh! =( I know i already have shades, but I love shades. Cannot get enough of them. haha. Their tops and clothes ain't really that attractive. I only like the tee which says, "Love is the new black." But their accessories are lovely. There's a ring which looks like a small rope tied in a knot. You should just go check out their accessories. There's this bestie necklace, some necklace with pretty cool pendants. Some lockets. whatever. Here's the picture of the shades and a shoe that's totally hot!:

-----------------------------------

If only the shoes are made of pvc or smth like that. haha. Nothing else to blog today, I'm still terribly sick. Bye.

2007-10-14T18:43:00.000+08:00

Tell me if it's right, I said "sorry" to J.T. He's not yet replied me. I think he won't. That's how our cycle ended, I guess. I feel like a mad woman. I bathed, and I feel okay now. Though I'm still unhappy. I love & hate my blog at the same time. I love it cos it knows everything about me. I hate it cos I blog when I'm totally mad at that moment and people get the wrong idea.
I'm a very rash person. When I'm angry, I'll just say whatever I want, then apologize later. I'm such an ass. Anyhow, I don't think things will be better between me and J.T. I don't know what to do to make things up. I'm a goner. I'm definitely a goner.

I'm sad, and I'm wishing for J.T. to reply me. Yes, bitch about me will you. I'm the one who was pissed and msged him and get angry at the whole world and blog about it and now i'm here apologizing when I discrimminate the word "sorry" in the first place. Sorry, sorry sorry sorry sorry. It's the only lame word you can think of when you're totally out of ideas and need smth desperate. I'm in a dilemma. hmmm. lol. whatever. the word's useful in a way for the person who needs it, and not useful to the person who's been told "sorry". what a meaningless post.

WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS. BET YOU HATE MY BLOG COS IT'S ONE WHOLE CHUNK OF WORDS. LOLOLOLOL.

p.s. I hate attention seekers like................(don't worry, it's no one in my friends links and whatsoever. I love those people I linked.)

2007-10-14T18:02:00.000+08:00

Twice. Twice this week I've been somehow or rather, busted. Yes, I have. And today, I've been an even more idiot than yesterday. And today, is the day, i realized how worthless friends are. None could call themselves my friends. None. I was pissed at J.T., but i know he'd been drinking last night or so and he's home. But he got me out of my house already, and i'm sick of his excuses to turn me down somehow. I'm sick and tired of all these. I wish I can make the decision to no longer be aquainted with him, but i can't. He's one of the 3 important person to me. So I was very pissed. Twice I've gotten ready and waited for him, twice he's busted me. Once, he forgotten about it when we talked about it so nicely a few days before yesterday. Once, he got lost reading my msg that i've got out of the house. Once, he made me spend the time alone.

I'm home from watching Resident Evil:Extinction. It was lovely. Second time i've watched it. Not so bad. I enjoyed myself. Yes, I watched the show with Jane today. Yes, Jane Tan. I spent time with her today. umhmm. Today, I realize that I need a friend who can spend time with me. I need a friend who can be free anytime for me. I need a robot. -.- wtf. Oh well, I feel like a stupid mother fucker today. Calling, msging trying to look for anybody to come out to spend time with me. Whatever, I can't give a fuck anymore. I'm a bad influence or shit. Whatever, really, whatever. You can call yourself jayn's friend alright, and stand there laughing your asses off at how you've fooled me like an idiot. I've never felt so much like a fool. I'm sorry for being unreasonable, BUT I'M SICK OF YOUR SORRYS, ok. I know you have reasonable reasons for not being able to get out to keep me company, but if you were me, you'll wish someone will be there to listen to you since you're pissed. I tried so hard to be as nice as i can be. I didn't wanna msg J.T. to tell him how pissed i was, i said it's okay to everyone who can't go out with me. I said IT'S OKAY TO EVERYONE. yeah, thanks for being a great friend alright.
Thanks for being there when I needed you.
Thanks for keeping me company when I'm alone.
Thanks for understanding what's happening in my life.
Thanks for understanding how I feel.
Thanks for caring for me in an uncaring manner
Thanks for making me feel happier when I'm unhappy.
Most of all,
Thanks for making me realize how much you're worth, thanks for making me see how i can be independent. Thanks for making me grow up.

And btw, I couldn't hold in any longer, i msged J.T. to thank him for today. We were both sarcastic in our short 2 msges. We're probably mad at each other. I don't care. I don't care at all. All for the sake of caring for others, trying to help others. Everyone's been a great pal to me.

2007-10-13T20:41:00.000+08:00

I just woke up from my sleep. I feel much better after the sleep, but i'm so tired. I think I'm gonna go to bed again. The medicine kicked in real quick and i felt like i can sleep for hours. So i missed dinner. Nice to sleep, i can just forget about everything. Thanks to lyc for caring for me. =) lol. Today has been a really really bad day for me.

2007-10-13T15:16:00.000+08:00

Everyone has their own way of making themselves feel better. What's yours?
Mine's going to the movies with someone dear to me, which is either a friend or a close cousin. The movie must be a comedy so I'll feel totally alright after it.
After the movies, head to Billy Bombers or something like this to get great yummy milkshake and have a meal. Or just go for some ice cream, or sit around chilling.

I need that therapy right now. I so wanna watch dude where's my car but they took it out of movie6. So i'm gonna have to watch smth else. Pardon me for that burst of rage just now.

2007-10-13T15:05:00.001+08:00

Don't ask me anything about today. I'm fucking pissed. Just fuck off you bastards. I've had had enough. Guys are nothing but jackasses. You can fucking forget our date, then you're a really GREAT guy. Yes, guys stood me up all the time. You can say sorry for all you want darlings, but haven't you realise, the word sorry have NO effect at all? Sorry means nothing at all, you bastards. It'll only mean a thing when it's the hardest word to say. THAT's when it's real sorry. If you're sorry, do something to make it up. Sorry isn't gonna make a person feel better. What's in that bloody thick skull of yours? So you think that avoiding and ignoring a girl's msg will stop everything? You're a bloody piece of negative 100 EQ mammal. If you like her in the first place, tell her straight in the face. Don't act like you do, and then just drop everything like a hot rock. Fucker. Talking to them in the first place, i don't blame you. But ignoring them makes them feel fucked up. And you should think how you'd feel if you're them.

OH WAIT, why am i blogging all these to TEACH guys what they should do? They're male chauvinist. So they'll continue acting like this, and i'll continue ranting here. I fucking had it with EVERYONE. For everyone, saying sorry doesn't help. Maybe it does, in the aspect of manners. I don't get angry always. But today was really fucked up. I'm gonna give up hope on guys. I really am. And I'll not tell anybody anything anymore. I'll just bottle everything up and explode at my limit in a pathetic lil corner. Ciao, mother fuckers.

2007-10-12T23:11:00.000+08:00

Product: *Guys
Expiry date: 1month after you both started talking.
May or may not last till 2 months.

Note: Please check the expiry date of your Guys regularly to make sure you'll not suffer from after-effects.

*Please note this is only applicable for guys that seemed to be interested in you or guys that you're dating.

2007-10-12T20:24:00.000+08:00

I'm still feeling down, very. I haven't got over these fucked up shit. This is what happens when you see life in a negative point of view, and you'll feel like the whole world owes you big time. Yes, I'm feeling this way right now. I'm so disappointed with many stuffs, and i'm wondering why i'm letting this shit affect me. So, russel soh lost my number cos he lost his phone. My greatest guy BFF's busy with his own stuff and we're like no longer a close bff, i feel replaced. J.T.'s totally gone (as expected). Though we're meeting tmr, it'll only be for a day that he can cheer me up, unknowingly. I don't wanna say anymore.

I just feel so fucked up, and i've yet to get my drink. When i tell you "it's okay, go ahead." i really mean it. I didn't know it'll make me feel so awful a few minutes later, but i could get over it, so i didn't make a big fuss out of it. But, saying "it's okay" to everyone's a big give in. People just take advantage of your not-so-easily-annoyed/frustrated/angered/upset front. And you'll just grumble on your pathetic blog like people, who you're actually targetting at with that particular blogpost, will read it. Never. They don't read your pathetic blog and get their heads messed around by your stupid in a moment of folly blog post.

Yeah, thank you for spending a few minutes reading this pathetic blog post for today. Sympathy for me, you can each pay me 50c. Carry on bloghopping while I try finding someone to get wasted with me tonight since i failed last night.

2007-10-11T22:44:00.001+08:00

I'm so negative today. I'm feeling all fucked up now. The World's nothing but a great disappointment, to me. I feel like drinking right now, and who will accompany me? I need a drink, I need a drink. I can just get wasted, let's get wasted tonight. Don't think too much, it's nothing about J.T., it's nothing about nothing. Really. It's just, i'm sick of the whole world around. I wanna runaway from it for a moment or 2. Sucks shit big time, this world.
If I could, I'll declare myself real enemies with some people. I'll name people, but I don't want to. It's cos I'm feeling all negative that's why I'm so petty. Fuck this shit.

2007-10-11T18:25:00.000+08:00

Today was chem practical. Thought i'd screw it up. oh well. There's something really funny today that i told mong i'm gonna blog about.
Mong and I were in Compass Point's Mcdonalds. then there was this 2 nan chiau primary boys sat at the table beside us. They were playing the card game, smth like yugioh but it isn't. Mong and i weren't really talking cos we're eating and there's nothing to talk about, so mong was looking at the 2 boys playing. Then suddenly they were talking about putting this card in the middle or at the bottom of the deck. One of them said something very dumb, "at the bottom means in the middle what." or smth like this. This trying to say middle=bottom and vice versa. Then they were debating for awhile, the this guy looked at Mong and said, smth like "it's not right." then stared at mong. LOL!! We're laughing our asses off. It was damn funny. They quarrelled over one lame shit later. Kids i mean, what do you expect. haha. Mong said the 2 boys remind her of Gavin and ToonYi. HAHAHAHA. Don't worry, they'll grow up to be smth like gavin and toonyi. mwahahahahah.

That's all. My hooded cropped cardigan has arrived to singapore.

2007-10-10T21:55:00.000+08:00

I've edited my Top 5 hottest guys. Do check them out please. LOL. EXCEPT for J.T. he's mine, no one can take him. LOL! no la, we ain't together. I'm just being possessive. Nth exceptionally fun today. THE END.

2007-10-09T23:07:00.000+08:00

Jayn's Top 10 5 Hottest Guys:

1st-Sono!! (he's the hottest shit ever. No matter what, he's always hot.)

2nd-J.T. (:D he's the hottest, realistic one alright. hahahahaa.)

3rd- Johnny Depp (not only in Captain Jack Sparrow's role. LOL)

4th- Travis Barker (yes, i have a fetish for thin guys with minimal pac)

5th- LOUIS!!! (that cutie tattoo artist. trust me, he is hot and cute, and he looks mix but he isn't, he's pure chinese)

-----------------
Sono's my cousin's uncle who lives in London. A white pakistani who's totally hot to the max even when he's shagged. So he's indirectly my far-distanced uncle. I'm so proud. haha. Notice how junkie he looked in that pic. tsk tsk. haha. Hot still. And, louis isn't all so colorful anymore. The first and last time i saw him, he's decent, and cute, hot. haha.
Oh well. guys guys guys guys. I changed the top 10 cos i couldn't think of 10. I wanted to included ally wawa, but i know some guys who are hotter that i wanna place. But i just can't rmb who. haha. oh well.

2007-10-09T21:34:00.001+08:00

Zaman's going to NS on 6th of December. I guess I'm gonna cry on that day man. =( I'll miss him so very much. i'll really cry. =\ ahh.

I miss J.T. yes, i miss him. lol. somehow. lol. Can't wait for saturday! :D movie, drink. woohoo! that guy, he can make me smile. haha. he really can. arghhhhhhhhhh. i'm gonna msg him now. hold on..
yep, done. haha. ahhhh. shit it. I shouldn't talk about him, then I won't feel so argh cos now I feel so.... you get what i mean. haha. I miss lots and lots of people. Some jackasses, like rizuan. All those who suddenly just vanish into thin air. haha. oh well. there's this other person, i miss quite some bit too. we've been crapping online and stuff. lol. everything just feels so dreamy. I'm gonna wait for J.T. to reply me. BYE.

2007-10-08T21:30:00.001+08:00

Yes, world. I fucking sprained my ankle, walking on clear flat ground at home!
Yes, that's the second time I stupidly sprained my ankle like that. =( MONG! =( lol.
The first time was near peninsula or smth. I was walking to the toilet, and ARGH, i sprained my ankle. and today, i was looking for curve ruler, i walked into my brother's room then CRACK, i sprained my fucking ankle. THE END.